I'm just feeling so grateful today for so many things.......it must be time for another grateful list:
I'm grateful for:
My parents. I don't know if I've ever written about how much they've done for us during the past 2 1/2 months. My dad has spent more time with us in Salt Lake than in St. George. He's always taking such good care of Abby and making sure we have everything we need. He's helped us find a place to live, a car to drive, and just a sense of security. My mom has helped so much with Britt and Brock in St. George. It's not easy being a grandma and having 2 teenagers move in with you! She's done their laundry, driven them places, taken them shopping and been there for them when I couldn't be. We would be in trouble without my parents.....thanks mom and dad.
The fun I have with my kids. I've never seen a family that can laugh as much as us; In fact, this past weekend Abby said her chest hurt for the first time, but it was because we were all laughing so hard. It doesn't matter if it's just when we're ordering at Subway and the girl just doesn't get it, or because Brock gets stuck between the front and the back seat of the car when he's trying to climb over the seat, or Britt is falling of the curb in front of the store, or Abby is just breaking out in opera out of nowhere....we just laugh. We know how to have fun together. I love this.
The last couple of days. This will probably sound weird to most of you, but to me it was heaven. Last night I got to make dinner for my kids and then we sat down as a family and ate together. Not a big deal to most of you, but huge to me. I also got to spend some much needed one-on-one time with both Britt and Brock, it felt so good to be able to catch up with both of them. One thing I've learned from all of this, is that it's nice to be able to keep in touch through phones, but it's just not the same as being together. I cherish the weekends when we're together and can fall back into some of our "normal" family routines, it feels right.
Exercise. I started going back to the gym the past couple of days. Those of you that know me, know that I was a 6-day-a-week, 5:00 am, exercise freak......until about 2 1/2 months ago anyway. I've worked out about 5 times since May 18th. Yesterday I started again. Physically, I felt awful. I can't believe how fast I lost everything I had, I'm so out of shape. I have such a long way to go to get back where I was. I'm thinking my body might just be a little tired from all of the stress and lack of sleep too, that probably didn't help, but at least I'm on the right track. Emotionally, I felt amazing. I'm surprised at how much exercise can lift my spirits. I left the gym feeling like things were going to be okay, I felt hopeful again. I didn't realize the rut I was in until after I left the gym. It also gave me something to focus on for myself again. It's been a long time since I've done that, I haven't been able to, but I think it's okay for me to, at least a little bit, again. If you don't exercise, you're really doing yourself a disservice....it can make a huge difference in your life.
My friends. I'm just grateful that they call me every day and remind me that I can do this, and that I'm not inadequate as a parent-even when I feel like I am, and that they love me. They help so much with Britt and Brock when I can't be there. They've become like family to us, my kids feel so comfortable with them now. Everything would have been so much harder without them, and I just hope they know the role they play in our lives now....they're stuck with us. I can't wait for them to be here next weekend, it's been too long!!! We love you!
My faith. I've known all along that we've had help through all of this, we haven't been alone. I look back at what we've done the last few months, and I know that there is no way we would have been able to do what we've done without the presence of the Lord. He's been watching us and taking care of my family every step of the way, this is so obvious as I read back through the blogs. Although for a short time I doubted things and even questioned why this was happening to us, in the end my fatith became stronger than ever. I know why it happened to us, there is no question in my mind now. I know our purpose in this. Even financially, as I look at the growing stack of bills, I just know that things will work out, somehow, things will be okay. Having faith has pulled me out of those hard times.....every time.
Abby. I sit and watch her gulp down all of those pills, everyday, 4 times a day, and she never complains. She's stuck in the house, day after day, unless we get to go the hospital, and she never complains. She's only gotten to spend a few hours with her friends in the past 2 months, and she doesn't complain about that either. She has to wear a mask and carry an oxygen tank with her when we go out in public, and she doesn't say a word. She doesn't get to live with her brother and sister or her dogs and she hasn't been home since the morning of May 18th, and she's never complained about it once. She spends 3 days a week at the hospital with doctors poking, prodding, pushing, putting stickers all over her and then taking them off again, asking her questions, having surgeries, getting her blood drawn, etc. and I haven't heard her say one negative thing about it. She just takes it all in stride.....she's decided it's what needs to be done and she deals with it, and that's that. She just thinks why complain??? it's going to happen anyway! When she can take things so easily, it makes it easier for me. She is an example to everyone, we can all learn from her attitude. I truly believe that one of the reasons she has recovered so quickly is her outlook on life and what she's going through. She's been able to stay focused and positive through all of this. What an inspiration. I'm excited for her story next week on Mormon Times, I think even more of her attitude and her experiences will be shared.
I have so much to be grateful for, the list could go on and on. It just feels good to be getting to the point where I can relax a little bit....maybe just a little bit, but more and more every day. Every day that Abby's heart is beating inside her, I know it's getting stronger and stronger, and become more of her own. Her body is accepting it more and more each day. Tuesday we go back to PCMC for another cath and biopsy and clinic day, these days are long and stressful, but the more often we get postivie results, the easier these days will become. Thank you for your continues prayers and support and love, we can always feel it here in our little "Sugarhouse House!!"