June 15th-How am I really doing and Lagoon vs. Dentist???

I had a hard time sleeping last night; in fact, I didn't sleep at all. I've been doing so much better...I had 2 really good nights in a row, and then last night I was up all night again. I don't know why, but I know it's going to be a long day.

The dentist went okay. Abby had a cavity in one of her back teeth, my brother didn't think it was very deep so he started to fill it without numbing her first, then he realized it was deeper than he thought, so he asked Abby if he could numb it....Abby's response-no way!! She said she was just too sick of needles and could handle it just fine without a shot, and she did, she said it hardly hurt at all. Now that she got her dental exam, we are completely ready for the transplant....bring it on!

Britt and Brock had a blast at Lagoon. I wish we could've gone with them so bad, I love Lagoon. Abby said she hasn't even been on Colossus yet because we haven't been there in so long. Brock let us know that most of the rides had a sign posted that said you shouldn't ride if you have a heart condition anyway, so I guess it wouldn't have been fun if we did go anyway. I hope with her new heart she can ride the rides! One reminder for Brock......you might want to review your text messages before you send them! Hahahahaha I can't believe Britt walked around Lagoon all day, less than 2 weeks after her knee surgery! I'm pretty sure that's not what the doctor ordered! It was fun seeing Meri and Rich and the kids this week, we sure miss them. We're used to spending a couple days a week together, so this is hard. Abby especially misses Leah, she loves her like a little sister. We can't wait to get back to St. George for so many reasons! Britt and Brock will both be gone the rest of the week for youth conference. It's always so hard to see them go, Abby hates it too. This is one of the hardest things for me, not being together is the worst. I'm dreading when school starts and football and soccer start and we just won't get to see each other very much. It's really crappy, but I don't know any other way. Somehow we're just going to have to make it work, we have no choice.

I had 3 different people tell me yesterday that being single must make this so much harder for me and that they can't imagine going through it alone. It is hard, really hard, but you've got to understand that I've been single for a long time, it's just what I know. I had never really thought about that making it more difficult. But it sure would be nice to have another income right now, or to have one person staying in St. George with Britt and Brock and the other one here with Abby, or to have someone else that knows exactly how hard this really is. But from my perspective, it's okay, it's just how it is. Don't feel sorry for me because I'm single and doing this alone, just feel sorry that we have to go through it at all because it's not fun.

I've also had many people ask me how I'm doing......really. The truth is that there are mornings that I wake up and just don't want to do this anymore, and there are times when I think that it's just too much for one person to handle, it's too big for me and I can't do it. But most of the time, I just do what needs to be done. I'm not strong like so many people are telling me, I do it because I have no choice, I have to. Lots of times I still get a shock when I think that this is really happening to us....to us, to my kid! Every time I heard the announcer at the football game last Saturday talk about Abby's story, it hit me that he was talking about us, it's still so unreal. I still get real panicky if I think about being here for a long time. I have to go back to short term or I really get nervous and start losing it a little. Financially, things are going to be extremely difficult. I opened 4 bills last week that totalled the amount of money I made all of last year. I will only get paid through the school district until September, and then I lose my benefits in November. This is scary, but I'm working on my options right now. I just have to believe that we will be back in St. George soon, this is the only way things will work out for us. I get mad when I think I how hard I've worked the past 10 years to get my family where it is now, and I could lose it all. It just doesn't seem right. But I also know that somehow, things are going to work out. So, we have our ups and downs. Overall, I think we're doing really well considering everything that we are going through right now. Abby is doing great! She feels good, she's spending lots of time with her cousins and talking to her friends. She loves it when people stop by, even if it is just for a quick visit. I love it too, it breaks things up a little bit. We need to take advantage of this time that she's feeling so well, because we don't know how long it will last. Feel free to call, or to text, or to email, or to comment on this post. We do love to stay connected to everyone, it helps us. Try not to worry about us, but keep thinking about us and praying for Abby. It's just a waiting game now. We are grateful for all of you that are still sticking with us and are in it with us for as long as it takes, thank you!