Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Just being honest

I've tried to be completely open and honest the past three weeks, and as of right this very moment, it has now been exactly 3 weeks, so I've got to get this out there because it's monopolizing a lot of my thoughts. I know many people think I've been playing the "Why me?" or "Why us?" game, but I really haven't. I know why it's happening to us and not someone else.....we have all of the support we need, as family we are strong, and as individuals we are strong, if anyone can get through's us. The thing I don't understand is why this should have to happen to anyone. If He knew how hard it is and how much pain and suffering it's inflicting on so many people and especially on my family, then why make anyone go through it? I could understand if I made some stupid mistake;Like not buckling my child in a seatbelt, or becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol, or letting my kids ride their bikes without their helmets, etc. If I would have screwed up, I'd be more able to accept the consequence; But, I didn't screw up and this is still happening. People tell me there are lessons to be learned from it: it's bringing the community of St. George closer together, my family is becoming stronger, and so on.....but don't you think that this is a pretty big price to pay for just those things? I cannot think of one reason that this should have to happen to anyone, ever. It serves no purpose, it can't be explained. So, there it is. It's not that I'm doubting my testimony, or that I'm not going to continue to be stong and determined and positive...I'm just trying to understand. And when I get on facebook, I'm so jealous of all of you that are just doing normal, everday things! Please don't take advantage of this summer, realize how lucky you are to be doing things like going to the pool or taking vacations, or just hanging out with your friends, and enjoying it because we can't right now. And all of you that have seen me lately should be really happy today, because I'm finally going to get this rats nest called my hair cut today. It's one of those things that I kept putting off until school ended and things so slowed down a little, hahaha!!! anyway, I should look and feel better later today!


  1. I love you! You are awesome and your honesty is good and therapeutic for you. Bad things happen to good people. I don't think we'll really understand why until the next life, ya know. Keep up that positive attitude and you'll be fine. (((hugs))) to you!

  2. Michelle,
    I think the thing I love most about your daily updates is your raw honesty about everything you're going through.
    I have another friend who was handed a pretty tough trial the same week as yours. (her two year old daughter was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer). One of the best people I know. Who, 7 years ago already had a son with a brain tumor. I ask the same question. Why? It doesn't make sense at all. I listened to a talk recently. It was in the Sunday morning session of the last conference. By Paul V. Johnson of the 70. It's called "More than conquerors through Him than have loved us"
    The headline says: "Trials are not just to test us. They are vitally important to the process of putting on the divine nature"
    I've listened to it a couple times since your family and theirs, began this journey, with the same question in my mind. This might help answer your questions.
    I've struggled with not being in St. George and knowing that there's nothing I can do for your family from clear across the country, but I want you to know Abby and your family are included in every prayer we say. I hope this trial will be for "but a small moment"

  3. Michelle,
    I just came across your blog today --- it certainly makes me look differently at the things in my life I had considered to be challenges. I feel as if I already know your family because I am lucky enough to live across the street from the Cozzens family (Sydnee is the daughter I never had).

    Sending lots of love, hugs, and prayers from 300 miles away:)


  4. Elder Maxwell said, "The Lord loves each of us too much to merely let us go on being what we now are, for he knows what we have the possibility to become!" (Maxwell, "In Him All Things," p. 107). I love you guys a lot!