Thursday, June 28, 2012

Sometimes it's hard to put thoughts into words

Lots of random thoughts on my mind tonight, here goes........

First of all, last night, I decided to look back at the blog from last year at this time, to see what exactly was going on then.  One year ago today, Abby's listing status moved up to 1A because her heart had gotten so much worse.  She was admitted the CICU again.  Brittany and Brock were getting ready to go to Hawaii with my family, and I was so sad that they were going to be gone.  I was a wreck, but I was still hanging in there.  I was still completely clueless about the heart world and what was really going on with Abby, I sounded like I knew what was going on, but I really didn't.  I know so much more now.  I couldn't stop reading the blog and my words from last year, so I read all the way through July, and I'm so glad I did.  It made me remember to feel grateful that I'm able to be living in my own house with all of my kids together now, I didn't have that last year, I had forgotten how much I wanted that.  I also hadn't read a lot of the comments left by all of you, I just never did, and as I was reading them last night, I was just bawling.  We have always had so much support, we are so blessed in that way.  I never would have survived without the love I felt from all of you.  I also loved reading the last post I wrote before we got "the call."  I ended the post by saying, "Tomorrow, when I've got all my family back home, it will be the perfect time for us to get Abby's heart, don't you think?"  I guess it really was!  Also, as I was reading through just June and July of last year, I can't believe how everything just seemed to fall into place.  Even though it seemed like it was the most random, crazy thing to be going through, when you step back and look at the big picture, it was the most  "orchestrated" random event ever. I hope that makes sense, I'm having a hard time putting it into words, and that's not usually a problem for me :)  I know that everything had to happen just as it did.  It's just so obvious to see Christ's hand in everything that happened, every little thing had it's purpose and it's reason.  I guess that It's just easy to see it now that it's more like a story, not just a bunch of single events. I'm not making sense with this, I just can't explain it, but I can definitely feel it.
I think how fast this summer has been going compared to last summer, and I bet most of you were thinking, "what is Michelle's problem?  they haven't even been waiting 2 months!"  But, believe me, that 2 months of waiting felt like 200 years.  Abby's whole story is just beautiful.  I'm going to read through the rest of the blog a little at a time, It makes me feel so blessed and so full of strength and it helps me remember to be grateful for where we are today.

And where exactly are we today?  We are only 9 days away from Abby's Make-a-Wish trip to Florida, that's where we are!  My kids are so excited, all 3 of them, they talk about it every day.  I am very nervous still......very nervous.  We have to go to clinic on Monday, we haven't been there in over 3 weeks, and last time we were there was when we found out Abby had Parvo and we haven't been doing anything to treat it.  I'm scared to death of what they are going to find when they do her echo.  Abby's blood pressure has been doing some weird things the past week or so and that makes me nervous too.  Poor Britt, who has been taking her CNA classes, has had to learn to take blood pressure so she's been practicing on Abby.  It's kind of weird for her when she gets readings like 90/80, and then of course I question if she's doing it right, who wouldn't?  But, she is doing it right, Abby's blood pressure just hasn't been her normal. So, I'm nervous.  I'm worried that for some reason we are going to have to cancel the trip.  It's not that I'm being negative, I'm just worried.  Maybe, I'm just scared to get my hopes up too much.  I probably won't really think we are going to be able to go until we are on the plane!  Please keep praying that Abby will stay healthy so we can go, I know it seems like a frivolous thing to pray for, it's not as serious as when she was sick, but I also know that this family needs some time away.  Monday is a big day, It's going to be one of those clinic days where I don't really breathe the whole time I'm there, I just have a nervous feeling about this one.  Send lots of positive vibes our way on Monday!!

We are so excited for July 12th.  We've been getting so many great emails and texts from people telling us how they are planning to Pay it Forward for Abby on that day, we love to hear the great ideas.  Abby will also be on the Mormon Times TV show again, on Sunday, July 8th.  She'll be talking about her 1-year anniversary idea, as well as some other things, it should be awesome.  She also did an interview with the Spectrum this week, the story should run sometime around the 10th, I'll let you know for sure when I hear back.  On that day, it is our hopes that everyone will just think "Today is July 12th, Abby's had her heart for one year. We are so grateful that she's still here with us today.  What can I do for someone else today in honor of Abby?"   Wear your Team Doman shirts that day for sure too!  We'll be sporting them in Disneyworld!!

Please keep Abby's little heart friends Matthew, Kaidence, and Kylie, and their families in your prayers.  All 3 of these kids are waiting for hearts and have been for some time now, they each need a heart ASAP and they need to feel comforted until that time comes.  Two of them are in need of their 2nd heart transplant, this could be, and will likely be Abby someday.  Their parents are all so strong and I look up to them so much, they are my friends and they are in need of your prayers. This is just so hard to go through, but I know the power of prayer, it's something I strongly believe in.  This is one of the few ways I know of to help them at this time, please help me to help them in this way. 

Lots of things to pray for, I know.  This "heart" world we live in now isn't easy, but I'm honored to be a part of it.  It continues to help me put things in perspective and to remember what's important.  I know that I wouldn't have that perspective without the experiences we've had this past year.  We are so blessed in so many way, I hope I never lose sight of this!

1 comment:

  1. I loved your comment about living in this "heart" world. It certainly isn't easy, but as a recipient I also feel sooo honored to be a part of it. Some days I still can't believe the miracle of it. It is such a growing experience physically, emotionally and spiritually. So happy for Abby. Every year on my anniversay I make heart cookies or suckers or something to give out to friends and coworkers because it is a celebration. Have fun on your trip. My doctor gave me some great advice once. He said "I want you to remember you are a heart tx patient twice a day. Once in the morning when you take your meds and once at night. But in between I want you to forget you're a patient and live your life to the fullest." Such wise advice.