Oh how I wish this break wouldn't end!!! We have had the greatest time, I think we all really needed this time to be able to just have fun and not worry about regular life. It seems like ever since we moved back in October, we've just been trying to adjust to our new "normal" routine, and it has been a hard adjustment for all of us..... but this past week and a half we've just been able to enjoy spending time with family and friends-just what we needed, and even relax a little bit too :)
Clinic last Thursday went well, no problems at all! Dr. E. decided we're going to try Abby on a new med that she thinks will help with her swelling in her legs and feet. We all agreed that we don't think it's her heart that's causing it, but Dr. E thinks it's her pulmonary hypertension again. This is something Abby had right from the beginning, but all of her cath's have shown improvement, but for some reason, it's gotten worse again. They are working on getting the med approved by our insurance company, which can be a hard process, and then we'll get Abby started on it and hopefully she'll have some relief! Because we're starting Abby on a new med, the transplant team was reluctant to taper her steroids at the same time, so I guess we'll be waiting for that until our next clinic visit. If you're looking for something to pray for, Abby would appreciate it if you'd pray that the new med will be approved and that when she does start taking it, it will help with her swelling. It's become a daily nuisance and is preventing her from being able to do the things she wants to do.....like run and play soccer! If all goes well, we don't have to go back to clinic until the 16th!!! This is the longest time we've spent away from PCMC since May 18th-this is awesome, but a little scary too!
As far as New Year's resolution's go, I already broke 3 of mine today.....this has to be a record! One of the things that I wanted to do in 2012 was to keep Abby healthy. Well, she woke up today not feeling so great. She has a cold and a sore throat and a slight fever....not good. I will be calling the transplant team tomorrow to see what we need to be watching for. Yes, we're nervous. We've been told for the past 6 months that we can't let Abby get sick or she could end up back at PCMC or won't be able to fight it because of her immuno-suppression, and will be sick for a long time. We tried, we really did!! Now, we're just hoping that everything works out okay.
This brings me to the 2nd resolution that I broke today-I wanted to do a better job of dealing with things as they come up with Abby. I want to learn to not overreact, and to just be calm and think through things before I worry too much. Well, when Abby woke up sick today, my resolution didn't work out so well. I will admit that I panicked and my mind starting going to the "what-if's" again. Luckily, I have good friends that can bring me back to reality. I'm sure I'll get plenty more opportunities to work on this resolution.
My 3rd failure today was that we wanted to be more consistent about going to church this year, but, we didn't get to go today because Abby is sick. It was hard to be consistent this past year because of everything that happened, and then we've been trying to keep Abby healthy, but I was just feeling like finally, we were going to be able to start going all the time again....this was supposed to be the day! But I guess next Sunday will have to be the day instead.
Another thing that I want to work on this year is that I want to continue to value every friendship and relationship that I have. I can't even tell you how many times just that one blog comment, email, text, phone call, etc. is what pulled me through the tough times. Or that just knowing that people were there that cared for us and wanted to help us made things bearable. I want to be that person that makes a difference. I want everyone that I know or come in contact with to feel that by knowing Michelle Doman, their life has been enriched in some way. I know that this is going to be a challenge, some relationships are tricky, but I also think it can be done.
Another thing that I'm going to do this year is to accept what has happened to Abby, accept the changes that have taken place in my family and in my life because of it, and accept that this is our new reality. I don't think that I've done this yet, I'm still in disbelief a lot of the time, but I think acceptance is just around the corner.
I'm going to be working on lots of other things, mostlythey involve caring about some things more and caring about other things, things that don't matter as much or that I can't control a little less. I'm really hoping and praying that 2012 is easier for the Doman family than 2011, but hopefully, if we make things easier we can still experience the miracles and still recognize the tender mercies!!