I just got the call from PCMC and abby's cath/biopsy is scheduled for 8:30 on Monday morning. I hate to admit it, but I think I have a serious case of the "I'm getting really tired of all of this and feeling sorry for myself" blues! Maybe it's all the driving back and forth, or maybe because I have to try to go back to work next week, or maybe I'm just tired, but hopefully if I make another grateful list, I'll snap out of it.
Things I'm grateful for:
-Football. Sounds funny, I know, but there are lots of reasons I'm grateful for football. First, because it's given Brock a focus through all of this. I think it's truly helped him to cope. He's had something else to think about other than just Abby and how she's doing. Second, it's one of the "normal" things that we get to do. I used to go to my kids games all the time......Now that Abby isn't playing yet, and Britt is still recovering, I'm down to just being able to watch Brock. I miss going to games. Desert Hills needs to win tonight so that they can continue on in the playoffs and so we can enjoy this "normal" thing a little longer. Plus, Brock is so fun to watch.....who wouldn't be grateful for football when they get to be Brock's mom!
-My job. Although I'm a nervous wreck thinking about going back and starting in the middle of the school year while my brain is still kind of a jumbled mess, I am grateful for my job as a teacher. I have always loved to teach school, it's just what I do. I also love where I teach, Sunrise Ridge is a great place to be. The support I've received from my teacher friends, both at my current school and my past schools and teachers from schools that I haven't taught at has been incredible. I think if I can make it through the first 2 weeks, things will be okay. It does feel like I should be going back to the classes I had last year because I never officially finished the year with them. It's just going to be weird to be starting 1/3 of the way through the school year......definitely a new experience. I'm grateful that this happened when it was summer and so that I was able to have as much time off as I have. The timing really couldn't be better.
-Tootsie Pops. This is my new addiction. It all started because I would have one when I started getting tired while I was driving, now I just have them all of the time. And it really is like an addiction. I was so ticked when I bought a box of 100 at Costco and every time I went to grab one, it was cherry flavored ( I don't like the cherry one's), so I dumped the box out and counted. 55 out of the 100 were cherry!!!!! 55........why would that be??? It just doesn't seem right. I almost wrote a letter to the Tootsie Pop Company, but decided that might be a little weird. I just bought lots of boxes and will give all of the cherry Tootsie Pops out for Halloween and save the rest of the good flavors for me.
-Britt's doggie-heimlich-manuever skills. That's right, Britt saved our little shih-tzu Gus's life a few days ago. He was choking on a rawhide bone we gave him and we could not get it out of his throat. So, as I was rushing to the vet, and Abby was sobbing in the backseat, and Gus completely stopped being able to get air and was dying in Britt's arms, Britt had the smarts and the guts to try to give him the heimlich........and it worked. The bone dislodged just enough for Britt to grab it out of his throat. She was truly a hero. Although we've joked about it a lot now, it would have been extremely traumatic if he wouldn't have made it.....and we've had enough trauma around here lately. Way to go Britt, you're a hero!
-That going through the past 5 months made my testimony strong enough to share it in sacrament meeting. I've always been too nervous and not had the guts to get up there and do it. Even though I've been through most of my weakest moments since May 18th, this is one area that's gotten stronger. I've had to learn to have incredible faith and to completely put my trust in the Lord's hands and His plan for Abby. By doing this we've experienced numerous miracles and been blessed with many tender mercies. How could my testimony not be strengthened?? I'm grateful that I finally, after 41 years, had the strength to share my testimony in church.
-The new carpet in my house. I had forgotten that a couple of weeks before we were life flighted up to PCMC we got new carpet, it was a sweet surprise when we got home!!
-Other heart kids and their blogs and their moms. What a great support system we, as heart moms, have. When I started feeling the blues today, I went and read some of the other blogs about kids with heart problems. It just makes me feel more inspired and less on my own in all of this. It's so good to have other people that can understand what I'm going through and that can help me feel like I'm"kind of normal" anyway. It reminds me that we're not the only ones that have had to go through something that's been hard. I also get strength from seeing their strength and how they handled things. I love being able to follow their blogs and see their successes as well as the bumps in the road, along the way.
-Once again, the simple things. Dinners together in our house, listening to the kids argue ( I know, most of you probably don't understand this one), working out in the mornings and not needing to keep my eye on the time when we're all in the hot tub after we swim (this all ends next week, back to work-just the hot tub ends, not the workouts), watching Abby practice soccer with her team again, enjoying the firepit in our backyard, friends stopping by just to check on us, seeing Britt and Brock off to school in the mornings, listening to Abby play the piano, my bed, knowing that I finally have all of Abby's meds for the next couple of months, going to church as a family, Lysol wipes, and good friends.
- All of you, our followers. I went back and was reading through all of the comments that people have left on our blog, WOW, we are lucky to have so many amazing people in our lives, even if we've never met some of you physically, it still feels like we are friends. Hopefully, someday Abby and I will be able to meet all of you. I loved it as the football game the other night when a sweet lady came up to me and told me that even though we don't know her, she knows us and has been following the blog from the beginning. Thank you for telling me that my words have made a difference to you. I wish I would have gotten your name, hopefully I'll see you again sometime. We have had so much support from the very beginning and we still continue to have it now.......thank you, it's been needed.
When I think about how far we've come, I realize that I have a lot to be grateful for and that I shouldn't ever feel sorry for myself. I think I've just had a nervous feeling about next Monday's biopsy all week, something just doesn't feel right. I'm hoping this feeling is just part of being nervous to have to go back to work next week (sometimes it's still a little hard to even be in the school where this all started-and btw, I'm not going back in the gym for a while ), plus I won't be with Abby 100% of the time like I have been since May 18th. I think I just need to look at this as the next phase in our adventure and I need to remember that even though this has been hard, we've blessed every step along the way so far, why would things change now??