Friday, July 13, 2012

Abby's 1-year heart anniversary

This morning, while I was waiting for my kids to wake up, I wrote this whole beautiful, eloquent post about Abby's 1-year heart day. Then I went to write the title of the post, and it all disappeared! It didn't even save like it usually does or anything. I almost started to cry, but I didn't, I just attributed it to being Friday the 13th. Now we've spent the day at Animal Kingdom, and my kids are beat......okay, I'll admit it, I'm beat too. We've been going non-stop for the past 5 days. Abby requested a break for a nap before we hit Magic Kingdom tonight for the last time, so while they're resting, I'm going to attempt to rewrite a little about our awesome day yesterday. Abby's heart day was the best, not because we were hanging out in Sea World, although that was pretty amazing, but because of all of the good that was happening to honor Abby's donor family and her life. It was a fun day, but it was also a very tender day. When we sat down and read about some the things that were being done, it brought a smile to my face, and okay, it even made me cry a little too. It was awesome! When I get home, I'm going to try to blog about all of the many things that were done, and how it truly made a difference to some people. I think we might have to make it a tradition-July 12th will now always be a day to Pay it Forward for Abby!! We also spent some time yesterday remembering July 12th last year. From 3:30 AM when we got "The Call," to when I was finally able to walk into Abby's room in the CICU and try to find her underneath all of the things she was connected too! I remember walking her down to surgery and having to leave her, and then just bawling. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my ife! I remember pacing the hall on the 2nd floor of PCMC, being too afraid to go anywhere else just in case something happened and they needed me. I remember when Dr. Kaza finally came walking down that long hall and sat down with us and told us how perfect Abby's new heart was for her and how well she was doing. I remember what a complete relief it was to hear that. I think it was the first time I had really been able to breath since May 18th. We spent time yesterday thinking about and being grateful for Abby's donor family and their selfless decision. We still know nothing about them, but my kids and I all sat down and wrote them letters of gratitude last week before we left for our trip. I know that if/when we are supposed to meet me them in person, we will be ready. I think that if they had the chance to meet Abby, they would know that they made the perfect decision and they would be pleased. Yesterday, a little recipient guilt try to creep in, but then I remembered what someone told me.....Abby's donor didn't die in order for Abby to receive her heart.....they died, and their loved one made the decision to donate their organs so Abby could live. I wish more people would make this decision. We have 3 of our little heart friends still waiting at PCMC for their hearts. We think about them and pray for them every single day, they need someone to make that decision, the decision to allow their loved one to be a donor. They need their new hearts, please continue to pray for them and their families. Waiting is so hard. We also spent some time yesterday thinking about how blessed we have been this past year. It hasn't been easy, in fact, it's been pretty hard, but the blessings far outweigh the struggles. Because of what we've gone through, we've been lucky enough to meet so many new people and form many lasting relationships with them, that is the greatest blessing ever! We are so grateful for those of you that have stuck with us this past year, I know it's not easy. I know that I'm not as reliable as I used to be, and I know that sometimes I can't commit to things like I did before, I'm just not too confident with Abby's health yet, but it will get better as time goes on. I know that I've been a friend that has had to take more than I can give, but I think that will continue to change as well. We, as a family are just grateful for all of you that have been there to love and support us through the ups and downs this past year, you've made it easier for us. One of the greatest things for me this trip has been to just sit back and watch my kids interact with each other. They have something special and it has just been strengthened this year. They were already pretty close, but I think their relationships are even stronger now. I can't even imagine where we'd be today if things would have ended differently last May, It's hard to even think where we'd be and what we'd being doing at this time. There would be such a void, I can't even imagine. I could sit here and type all day about how grateful I am for little Abby and the strength she's brought me and so many other people. I think she's already began to fulfill her mission of "saving others." Her life will always be a miracle and I'm so thankful for her sweet spirit. I'm also so grateful for Britt and Brock and the tremendous way they've dealt with all of the changes we as a family have had to go through this past year. I know I might be a little biased, but there's just something about my kids that is awesome, I'm the luckiest mom alive! We are one blessed family, and we are grateful. **There will be a whole blog post with pictures about Abby's wish trip coming soon!

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