It's 2:30 am right now, and I should be sound asleep and exhausted, but I'm not. I think what woke me up was this new cold sore I'm growing in the corner of my mouth that feels like it's the size of Texas, but actually, when I looked in the mirror, is only the size of the top of a pin, but who knows, maybe it will be the size of Texas by morning. I know this might sound crazy, but as I was trying to go back to sleep, I was overcome with such feelings of strength, contentment, and gratitude that I couldn't even close my eyes.
As I was waiting for Abby to come out of surgery yesterday, I got a text message from Whitney, a friend I've known my whole life. She sent me a quote from Elder Richard G Scott, it said, "Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels that you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain......This life is an experience in profound trust--trust in Jesus Christ."
I know there are many of you that would do anything to help my family right now. I have so many people say, "If I could just take away some of the trials you're going through, I would....I would do anything!" and I know that is true. But for some reason, some unknown reason, these are trials that I must go through right now. I'm so grateful for the outpouring of help we are getting in dealing with these trials, we wouldn't be able to do it without that help, we aren't expected to go through these things alone. I also know there's a purpose in the things we are experiencing and as much as I would like to give away some of these trials, I would never want to give away the many blessings and tender mercies that have come hand in hand with the trials. I just wanted to remind everyone that as you're having sympathy and compassion for all that we've been through, as you're thinking, "that poor family, poor Michelle" remember to think how blessed we have been as well.
Just look at my kids. I have the 3 greatest kids ever. If you've had the opportunity to meet Britt, Brock, and Abby you know just what I mean. They are the strongest, most sincere, most loving kids I know, they just seem to have it together. We've gone through a lot, but I think it has just polished them even more. When I look at my kids, I know that they will always be okay, that know matter what happens to them, they will still be successful and that we will continue to be a strong, close family. I'm so thankful that my kids love each other the way they do and that they love to spend with each other. Britt and Brock have become so close while we've been away, I consider this a blessing. They both love Abby with everything they have. I am lucky. I have a job that I love and that I'm think I'm good at. I do miss teaching when I'm not there, it's just a part of who I am, what a blessing to be able to love my job! The people I work with are have been amazing, I know I have a job at Sunrise Ridge right now because of the people that are there. They have been so helpful in taking care of things back in my classroom, it's one thing that I know I don't have to worry too much about. I have family and friends both in St. George and Salt Lake that I know I can get help from at any time, there are many people that I can turn to when we need it, I never feel like I'm going through this alone. I have the perfect ward right now too, they are always to help with whatever we need help with, and they are always checking in with us to make sure we are okay. The greatest blessing, and I've said this before, is all of the new people that have come into our lives this past year. I've had the chance to make so many new friendships, and I consider each one a blessing. All I have to do is to look back at the phone calls, text messages, emails, facebook comments, etc. to know how many people are thinking and praying for us and truly care about us. How can I not feel grateful? Knowing so manypeople are there and care makes these trials worth going through.
I am so blessed. There are some people, both young and old, that were in our lives that have decided it's too awkward, or it's too hard to be a part of what we're going through and so they have distanced themselves from us, and I can't help but to feel sorry for them. Yes, it's hard, but they're also missing out on all of the blessings that have come from this as well, and they are missing out on the Doman family, and that is sad. I do understand it's hard for people to know what to say and how to act around us, but when you're ready to be there again, we'll still be here and we'll be as accepting as ever.
I am grateful for the trials we're going through. Your prayers are being felt here tonight because I feel strong again and am ready to face whatever tomorrow has to bring. Abby will be okay, my family will be okay, I will be okay, we will be polished.
The plan is to stop by clinic in the morning, well later in the morning, I guess it is already "the morning." Dr. M. wants to make sure everything looks good before we go home. So far, all of the tests have come back negative, and everything looked good in surgery yesterday. We are still waiting for some results and won't get those until next week. I want them to find something that all it takes is a dose of antibiotics and Abby will back to herself, but that's a lot of wishful thinking. We have to come back to Salt Lake on Monday for a clinic visit and an echo to make sure the rejection isn't getting worse and to get more results and set up new plan of action. Hopefully, this Monday clinic visit won't turn into another week long clinic.
I'm tired now, but I feel good, I feel content, I feel strong, I feel grateful.